On the day of my relations’ arrival right before Christmas, the vacuum cleaner conked out. Not a life and death situation, granted, but with the septic tank pump also on the blink, the house was looking far less than visitor-worthy, because nothing could go down the drain.
That same day, a neighbour happened to turn up to return a DVD. He offered me the use of his vacuum cleaner. “There’s enough stress at this time of year,” he reasoned. “Vacuuming is one of those things that makes a big difference and doesn’t take much effort.”
I don’t know about you, but my first line of thought after any kind offer is, “I’ll manage.” I thought, but our house is really quite shoddy, with dog fur in every cranny, which would fill up a vacuum cleaner bag really quickly. I don’t have any replacement bags for him, and I wouldn’t want to basically sponge off someone. I thought, “What if I break HIS vacuum cleaner, as well? How bad would I feel then?”
But I realised his offer was genuine, it wasn’t such a big favour after all, and if I said no, he’d leave feeling slightly out of sorts. (At least, I would in his position.) So I took him up on his offer.
At times like these, I also remind myself of a Benjamin Franklin quote.
He that has once done you a Kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged.
- Benjamin Franklin
I’m not naturally inclined to ask favours of people — perhaps it’s my WASPish background — there’s this feeling that by asking favours I’m putting another person out. What if they want to say no but can’t out of politeness? I guess that’s the main worry. In my case it even extends to accepting favours which have been offered without me asking. It’s ridiculous.
I learned of The Benjamin Franklin Effect a few years ago, and have at times looked back on certain incidents in my past and I conclude that people with ‘leadership skills’ and who score highly on affability scales have intuited this part of human nature, even if they don’t have a name for it: That when you ask someone to do something for you, no matter how they felt about you before, they end up liking you more than they did. It’s a form of blatant manipulation.
The Shockingly Easy Way To Get People To Do What You Want
Emotional intelligence is important, but the unbridled enthusiasm has obscured a dark side. New evidence shows that when people hone their emotional skills, they become better at manipulating others.
This effect works on the idea that we subconsciously think, ‘Hey I’m doing something nice for this person. I MUST like them.’ It only works in your favour if you’re not a complete asshole, I presume. But even then, the human desire to be helpful makes it difficult to refuse. Are the best leaders really just master manipulators?
A writer at Slate urges (somewhat ironically? I’m not sure of the tone) that if you’re offered a coffee at a job interview you should definitely take it, and order an expensive one to demonstrate your worth. The reasoning is that you’re showing a potential employer that you value your own worth, and they should gather from this that you require a decent salary to go with. I figure the Benjamin Franklin Effect is also at play here.
Never turn down the drink.
